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Hecate the Movie Critic

Vampyre Flicks Coming Soon:
The Historian (2010)

A

• Alucard (2003)
  "Modern retelling of Bram Stoker's Dracula" - ha! Horrible acting, horrible soundtrack, and Count Dracula, er, Alucard, is relocating to London, I mean Nilbog. Um, did we jump from Dracula to Trolls 2?!? Reversing words, sneaky. Now if I could only reverse this movie and make it good. But wait - there's always the "stop" button. I think you know my final words: go with the mozz sticks!
  What?!? Did he have to make a boat payment or something?!? This movie was slow and boring so I'm not even going to bother to tell you the plot. Skip it!

• Andy Warhol Presents Dracula (1974)
  Reissue after many years out of print. Warhol's Dracula is a totally sympathetic (and pathetic) character. He's weak and sick and needs the blood of virgins so that his blood disease won't do him in. Visiting a rural Italian villa chock full of marriageable "virginal" daughters and a randy farmhand really wasn't where he should have gone looking. Good plot. Good flick in general.

• Angel of the Night (1998)
  I really hate when they dub a movie and don't bother telling me in the sleeve notes. I'd rather read subtitles. Wait, let me start over...so the Netflix version of the movie is dubbed. No idea what the original language is. I think maybe it was shot in Prague or Romania. This is one of those "story within a story" kind of movies that spends more time in the various stories than with the characters that we are first introduced to. Poor acting and storyline. I think the best part was invoking the seven sacred names (actually the names of the seven clans in "Vampire: The Masquerade" role-playing game!) to bring the vampire back to life - bruja, gangrel, ventru, etc. I've always been partial to toreador myself ;) So, all in all, regardless of the awards this movie supposedly won, skip it. It's really not worth your time.

• Ankle Biters (2002)
  Have you ever gotten stuck watching a movie so bad that you had the urge to clean your house/apartment - even if it's 9 o'clock at night?!? Well, if you haven't and need some motivation, this is the movie for you. Netflix has a lot of good movies, but this isn't one of them. Little people (midgets, dwarves, vertically-challenged, munchkins oompa-loompas, whatever you want to call them...and yes, I know that midgets aren't the same as dwarves!) vampires that can walk around in the daylight so they run around chasing people and biting their ankles because they can't reach their necks (hence the title). So, they go and find this sword that has the blood of the last full-sized vampire in the jewel; their intent is to create a race of super-sized (to them) vampires. Yawn. This movie is right up there with "Blood Thirst: The Legend of the Chupakabras". There are starving kids in Kansas for christsakes. Stop wasting money on making this crap!!

• Aswang (1994)
  Philipino vampire. Nice to see a movie addressing another culture's vampire myths, but man this movie was boring. And the vampires dumb and the stupid humans predictable. I didn't find this movie creepy or disturbing. "Martin" was more disturbing. Go with the mozzerella sticks.

• Asylum Night (2004)
  Low-budget British flick. Hospital for the criminally insane has a secret hiding in its basement, well, maybe not a secret to everyone, since the guy who runs the place is feeding the inmates to the "secret". In the midst of this, a journalist posing as a nurse comes in to find and spring her brother - and stumbles upon the vampires in the basement. Soon all hell breaks loose - in the form of vampires and insane people all running free. Not a bad flick.

• Avia Vampire Hunter (2005)
  You know it's going to be bad when the three pseudo-trailers look terrible. The best thing about this movie might be the opening credits. Leon, when writing a screenplay, it's important to get your idioms correct - it's called "pulling rank" not "pulling authority." Oh, and get this, the guy they go stake-out in the first ten minutes as a suspect for some recent brutal murders has hobbies that include "serial killers and vampirism." Whoops, guess I'm probably on someone's list too :-o Don't bother with this one.
  

  B

• Blacula (1972)
  Not bad, granted the last time I saw it I was 15 (when -I- saw it, not necessarily when it was released). Dracula awakes in the present day and tries to replace his lost love. Of course, others who are connected to the woman he choices don't exactly want him to turn her into a vampire.

• Blade (1998)
  Wesley Snipes as a good-guy vampire who refuses to give into his vamp side (well, the drinking human blood part anyway). He uses his powers to triumph over evil vampires and other bad guys. They should have left this as a comic book. Part two coming in 2002...let's see if he learns any new lines.

  Okay, saw it again, right before I saw Blade II. My revised review: Cool car!! 69 Camaro. Some cool fight scenes. Not as cheesy as I first thought.

• Blade of the Vampire (2005)
  Netflix blurb says it's a "phantasmagorical thriller." What?!? That's not what I saw. Instead, I was subjected to a crappy movie where a vampire moves in and starts praying on street kids while he's being hunted by an ex-cop who is as equally creepy as the vampire is. And the vampire runs around wearing a long trench coat - why is it these bad movies always put them in trench coats? *rolls eyes* Anyway, I've wasted enough ink on this crappy movie. Skip it!

• Blade II (2002)
  Huh? I thought Whistler killed himself in the second half of the first movie?!? Uh-huh, uh-huh, okay, got it (and no, I didn't give it away!) ... Interesting story line - vamps team up with Blade to fight these mutant vampire things, the Reapers. Ugly beasts. Twists and turns all over the story line. Great special effects. Worth a rent - pump it through your stereo system to take advantage of the great techno in the fight sequences.

• Blade: Trinity (2004)
  The vampires want to get rid of Blade once and for all so they set him up for killing a human to keep him on the run from the police AND they wake up the 'original' vampire Dracon. The old shop goes up in smoke - literally - and Blade gets a new fighting crew - Jessica Biel and Ryan Reynolds, plus some neat new toys. Plot and some of the acting was lacking (Parker Posey as a super- bitch vampire for example) but the great soundtrack, fight scenes and comedic lines by Ryan Reynolds kept me from falling asleep. I think I liked # 2 out of the series the best...just checked, different director, Guillermo del Toro did #2 - which explains a lot.

• Blade: The Series (2007)
  Halfway through the first season right now. It's okay, but this Blade is no Wesley Snipes. I can't tell if he really talks that way or is just trying to do a throaty-dangerous Snipes. Storyline is okay. So far it's kept me wantinng the next DVD in the mail, but I won't be rushing out to buy it.

• Bled (2009)
  Artist enters a freaky dream world looking for inspiration for her paintings. The dream world is reached by inhaling the burning sap of this special tree (strigoli tree I think he said *smirk*) given to her by this guy who admires her work. He of course has ulterior motives. People grow fangs, get bitten, die, all as part of this stranger's plan. Slow to start, but such an unusual - and unique - storyline that I was drawn in. A breath of fresh air from the many formulaic diary/dracula movies out there. A must see.

• Blood Angels (2004)
  Thralls escape their master and open a nightclub, well, until he comes looking for them. Then all hell breaks loose - literally. Pretty good storyline and movie. Would have been even better if Lorenzo Lamas WASN'T the master vampire. You'd think he was new to the movie business - his lines and delivery were terrible. Maybe he needed to make alimony or something...his was a pretty messy divorce after all. Dude, it's like you weren't even trying to act! So, see this one, just to let your eyes go glassy when Lorenzo opens his mouth.

• The Bloodletting (2004)
  The best part of the movie was the opening credits. Seriously! Good music and interesting images. They must have spent all their money on that because the production quality and the acting were terrible. I distracted myself by playing "which one is the director?" *Eye roll*. Well, I'm not telling...but don't go out and rent this just because I won't.

• Blood of the Vampire (1970)
  I'm not going to bash it, I'm just going to say - don't bother. I watched 5 minutes and didn't bother with the rest of it. I know I made a pact with myself to try to watch each movie, but my patience with crap has run out...

• BloodRayne (2006)
  Finally, a movie worth watching (critics be damned - I liked it!)! It's been so long since something decent has come out (Underworld excluded of course). Kind of like Krull meets Dracula but without the Black Fortress moving at sun-up every dawn. Great cast, good fight scenes, although the high-velocity arterial spray was a bit much after a while. Oh, and Michelle Rodriquez's accent... can we say horrendeous?!?! Billy Zane has a small part - he is his usual cantankerous self (I love ya Billy). The last five minutes of blood-splatter flashbacks was a bit unnecessary, but overall, a very good movie. Definitely rent this one.

• BloodRayne 2: Deliverance (2007)
  Too slow. Not as interesting as it could have been. Don't bother.

• Blooksucking Babes from Burbank (2006)
  Bad plot, bad acting. Don't bother.

• Bloodsucking Redneck Vampires (2004)
  There's rednecks, there's hicks, and there's uneducated white people with Southern accents - but unfortunately, this movie doesn't have any of these. Instead it's got people with bad accents who are "trying" to be rednecks, but I don't think anyone in this movie knows what a redneck is. This is bad, just bad. Skip it!

• Blood Ties (1992)
  Jason London as part of an old family in a modern, urban setting. Melton seemed to like it - I found it unmemorable, which is why I'll say nothing more about it.

• Blood Ties (2006)
  I am in love with the 450 year old bastard son of Henry VIII. Actually, I'm in love with the whole show. Too bad I never heard about it when it was on (Lifetime channel I think). Or that they cancelled it after two seasons. Or that the DVD boxs made it look super cheesy. Its so much better than that! Based on books by Tanya Huff (which amazingly I've never heard of either!), its well cast, witty, and a lot of fun. A definite must-see!

• Blood Thirst: Legend of the Chupacabras (2003)
  The intro made it sound really interesting ... American Southwest, legendary creature ... But, uh, was this some film student's final project or something? It hurt to watch it - terrible acting, shaky camera, overuse of the thunder machine at the beginning (or maybe just bad sound). Monster in the back of the car, scuffle in a bar, a local gypsy woman who "knows all". Oh yeah, and a vampire hunter - a drunk of course. Blah blah blah. The best part of the movie (other than my rewinding of it and putting it back in the rental box) may have been a farmer wearing a nightgown...with sheep on it no less. I was so bored watching this movie that I licked a bowl of cool whip clean (well, in my defense it was almost empty). Final analysis: Don't bother, save the money for mozz sticks.

• Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)
  Loved the costumes! Loved the movie! Many diss Keanu Reeve's performance of Jonathan Harker, but frankly, Stoker's character was a sissy, which Keanu played to a tee. Kudos to Keanu for trying. Hello Gary!!! Gary Oldman's Dracula can ask to be let into my bedroom anytime - with or without my wearing one of Winona Ryder's wonderful costumes. Wonderful soundtrack too. Check out "Love Song For A Vampire" by Annie Lennox. I'll say it, I cried at the end of this movie when I saw it in the theatre. My friends thought it was kind of lame and I was a dumbass, but whatever, who's got the awesome vampire movie review site now, huh? Me!

• Bram Stoker's Dracula's Curse (2006)
  So-so acting. Interesting storyline, however, it got bogged down with too many sub-plots. Also, some of the scenes were too slow - I mean if you were to take the time to re-holster your gun so you could grab your stake and stake a vamp, you'd get eaten. Geez! I say skip it.

• Bram Stoker's Dracula's Guest (2008)
  A bit choppy and slow. Better production value than a lot I've seen lately though. Dracula was too brutish and overacted. Sometimes the movie seemed too much like Coppola's. Interesting choice for Dracula's castle. See it or not, not a terrible way to spend 110 minutes.

• Bram Stoker's Dracula: The Love Story: To Die For (1989)
  The late 80's in L.A. Gack! This one was not good. Had the blond cheerleader from "Better Off Dead" (Amanda Wyss) and another guy who looked vaguely familiar, but not much else going for it. Skip it.

• Bram Stoker's The Way of the Vampire (2005)
  What can I say? My face hurts so much from rolling my eyes. Interesting story line that unfortunately can't be carried out by the bad acting and horrible script. Why can't anyone make a decent vampire movie anymore? The accompanying music was the best part of this movie. Definitely skip this one.

• The Breed (2001)
  Adrian Paul. Set in some future time that is shades of pre-war Nazi Germany where a vampire sub-group of humanity has just 'come out of the closet' as it were. Called "a cell mutation of the human species", the vampire minority is made up of those who want to build an alliance with humans and those who do not. Interesting plot, eh? Terrible movie. Bad script and bad acting plague this thing, from the 'trying to be art-house' camera shots to Adrian Paul's cookie-duster mustache. Character names not very original either.

• Buffy The Vampire Slayer (1992)
  Good cheesy fun. What else could you expect from a blond cheerleader from the valley? Pee Wee Herman as a vampire. Funny.

• Buffy The Vampire Slayer: The Series
  I admit it, I got into this series late in the game. I thought it would be lame because at the time we were seeing a lot of "let's take a movie and make it a series" or the other way around. I don't think I started watching until the end of the first season or maybe into the second season. Great writing, very witty. I like how they brought mythology and monsters and liberal ass-whooping into the show. And hey, before it's all said and done, Buffy meets Dracula, dies and goes to heaven, is brought back to life, and gets to kick a lot of ass.

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  C

• Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter (1974)
  A Hammer film, but suprisingly not half-bad. The 'vampire' is more of an energy-sucker than a blood sucker (incubus/succubus), so that puts a different spin on it. There's also this thing about putting a dead toad in a box and burying it - if a vampire walks over it it will give the toad life. Some weird folklore stuff that I've never heard of I guess.

• Children of the Night (1991)
  This move is bad, but maybe worth watching once. Hey, you already know what you're in for when you know that Karen Black has a leading role!

• Club Vampire (1997)
  John Savage. Thin plotline. Club Vampire isn't a vampire club or one of those fun goth clubs, it's just a strip club. One of the girls gets bit but the vampire messes up and only leaves her for dead instead of killing her. John Savage delivers a great Charles Heston "I'm not an animal" line (then disappears - he's one weird vampire!). Oh, and there's an oompa-loompa vampire - okay so his skin isn't orange, but his hair IS green and he's vertically challenged. One cool scene where the stripper-turned-vampire eats her son's hamster and then pulls her, um, viscera, out through her mouth (she's going through the "change" you see). Maybe see this for the few special effects, but then again, you might just want to spend the 77 minutes something else - like eating mozzarella sticks.

• Cold Hearts (2002)
  Lost Boys knock-off (maybe an homage?) replete with bad-ass vampire gang, a boardwalk (in Jersey though), and good people just trying to live their lives. Theses frat boy-friends of the protagonist Seth even comment "what's up with the lost boys?" at one point in the movie. And then there's the lost boys carnival music - you know, the last track on the original motion picture soundtrack. The comparisons end there though - no neurotic mom, crotchity grandpa or Frog Brothers. Pretty decent movie. Different. I say see it if you can find it.

• Count Yorga, Vampire (1970)
  Slow movie but better than some of the vampire movies made in the 1970's. Starts off with a seance. Then there's a scene where this one chick is munching on a kitten. They figure out pretty fast that the Count is a vampire and go after him. For a being that supposedly far 'superior to mortals', Yorga sure dies easily enough. I guess he wasn't as superior as he thought he was! Rent it if you want to see a slow-moving vampire movie full of cheesy 70's clothes and decorating.

• Cronos (1993)
  Spanish. Good stuff. Unlike most vampire movies full of blood and guts and monsters, this movie is about an antique dealer that comes across something that 'bites' him and he slowly begins to change. While he tries to figure out what's happening to him, someone else who already knows the answers is after the device so that he can live forever. I highly recommend this movie. It's different than most vampire movies out there and very refreshing. Ron Pearlman plays the bad guy.

• Crypt of the Living Dead (1972)
  For a place known as Vampire Island, both the body count and the vampire count are pretty low. Typical early 1970's movie with a lot of running all over the place but never really getting anywhere but not much neck-biting or blood. And then there's how it looks like it's an hour before dusk but it's actually the middle of the night. You're on an island, people, not in the suburbs outside Boston! Go with the mozz sticks.

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  D

• Dark Craving (1988)
  Formerly called "Heart Stopper". Well, I sat through this one, dear reader, so that you wouldn't have to. I'd like to say you should see it for the original plot line, but I can't. Sure, the plot is original, but the movie itself sucks - and not in that good, warm-blooded, vampirey way. The Netflix synopsis makes this movie sound more dramatic than it really is (I swear, the people writing these things should actually watch them first!). Skip this one!

• Dark Town (2004)
  Slumlord tries to kick out some squatters and gets bitten. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, er house, his family waits to throw him a suprise birthday party. Across town, his black sheep daughter is still trying to decide if she's going to the party and is coaxed into making a decision by her "roommate." Did I rent a vampire movie or lesbian porn?!? Geez. So, slumlord goes home, shares the "gift that keeps on giving" (vampirism, not herpes that is) and they all turn on one another, neighbors, random thugs that drop by to rob the slumlord, etc. Boring...I was working on a tattoo design and only half-watching. Kept thinking "isn't this thing over yet?" You can skip this one.

• Dawn (2006)
  Shot in black & white. Single father moves from town to town trying to provide the best he can for his 10 year old daughter...who is a vampire. The girl only feeds on the sick and elderly, but it gets more difficult each time because there is a psychic on their trail. Good story. Might be worth a watch.

• Day Watch (2006)
  Sequel to the Russian film Night Watch. Russian subtitles. Not as coherent as the first movie because they were trying to string togethre too many plot lines. However, I admit to being a bit jaded - I have read the books, Night Watch, Day Watch, and Twilight Watch, so I know that each movie is actually an amalgam of the short stories in each book. I read the books after seeing Night Watch and could pick out where the pieces of the stories were taken to create the movie. Same thing here with Day Watch, which is kind of a shame because each of the stories could be a movie in their own right - or at least set it up for a good miniseries. I didn't like the ending - it didn't leave any opening for a Twilight Watch movie...although the stories in that book are the most difficult to wrap your mind around so maybe it's better that way. So, see it if you liked Night Watch and let me know what you think :)

• Demon Under Glass (1995)
  A vampire named Vlad is caught in a prostitution sting and sent to a military hospital for tests. Vlad helps them out with the tests, but you know how opportunistic vampires are - always looking out for themselves. Some questionable acting, but not too bad.

• Dracula (1979)
  Frank Langella, Laurence Olivier, Donald Pleasence. I can see why people loved this movie and vampires became so popular in the 1970's and 1980's (that and Anne Rice novels of course) - Frank Langella is hot! Frank was good to look at, but the acting wasn't great and they totally re-wrote the story. Plus, there's this scene where Dracula and Lucy (not Mina) are sharing an intimite moment and it suddenly turns into the opening credits of a James Bond movie (you know, with the colors bleeding into black and it all sort of looks like it's done underwater?). Yeah. Something of a cult classic so see it if you can find it. Often available "On-Demand" through your cable box these days.

• Dracula (2007)
  Masterpiece Theatre's version of Dracula. Pretty good although it wasn't very long. They could hvae made it a mini-series and really gotten innto detail if they were going to follow the Stoker novel. A few twists in the original story...syphilis anyone?!? Oh, and the blond chick from the first "Underworld" movie, and "Moonlight" the series, plays Lucy.

• Dracula 2000 (2000)
  Omar Epps, Jeri Ryan (Seven of Nine from "Star Trek: Voyager"). A lot of overacting. Interesting plot when they finally get around to it - Dracula is actually Judas, cursed to never die from dropping dime on Jesus. Explains why he (Dracula/Judas) hates wooden crosses (Jesus crucified on a cross), silver (payment for the betrayal was pieces of silver), and holy water (it's been blessed by god). Don't bother unless you just want to skip to the last ten minutes of the movie.
  

  Okay, I take that last statement back. This movie has actually grown on me. Or maybe that's just Gerard Butler's sexy hotness. Gerard plays Dracula. This is the first thing I think I've ever seen him in - when I saw him later in something else, I was like "hey, that's Dracula!" I give him second to Gary Oldman's top honor for "My Favorite Draculas". Oh, and the soundtrack kicks some butt too!

• Dracula 3000 (2004)
  Please let this be the last "sequel" to Dracula 2000! They get worse and worse each time. Casper Van Diem, Coolio (yeh, rolling with my homies), a few others you've probably seen before (like the blond chick with the big boobs that jumps out of the cake in "Under Siege"). Really bad plot, really bad acting, although at least it was done in a real studio with real props and cameras (unlike most of the schlock I watch lately!) Skip this one!

• Dracula II: Ascension (2003)
  Sequal to "Dracula 2000". Too bad the whole premise of this movie is based on changing the ending of Dracula 2000. Definitely not as good - or cohesive - as "2000". They find Dracula's burned body, see the teeth, and decide to do some tests to see if he's really a vamp. Okay, so they give him a blood bath and bring him back. And he's blond!?!? They explain that one away, but geez...from dark and brooding in "2000" (hello Gerard Butler!) to a skinny Dolph Lungren look-alike in this one. I say pass on this one.

• Dracula III: Legacy (2004)
  Shot in Romania, where you can make a vampire movie dirt cheap! Sequal to "Dracula II: Ascension" (which didn't really have anything to do with Dracula 2000 so I don't know why they called it "II"!) Jason Scott Lee, Jason London. Hunting down Dracula - a tale as old as time. Boring! Slightly more cohesive plot than "II". Rutger Hauer plays Dracula. Skip it.

• Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995)
  Fell asleep five minutes into the movie (on video thankfully) and had no desire to rewind and try again. Not much of a Leslie Nielsen fan, what can I say.

• Dracula: Pages from a Virgin's Diary (2003)
  Bram Stoker's story told through ballet, in black and white, silent-movie style. Dracula is played by Royal Winnipeg Ballet's Zhang Wei-Qiang. Sure, Dracula was from the east, but not that far east. I made it through about three minutes of this film. It's artisticness made my eyes roll back in my head. Leave this one alone! Come to think of it, I also fell asleep during the Boston Ballet's "Dracula", so maybe it's the medium!

• Dracula Rising (1993)
  Interesting plot line: forbidden love between a peasant girl and a monk, who just happens to be the son of Dracula. Peasant girl gets burned at the stake for tempting him (she must be a witch!!) and the monk gets immortal life from his father who just happens in for a visit, so he gets to wait around for her soul to return to earth. Five hundred years later .. Slow moving, disjointed acting, cheesy ending. Go with the mozz sticks - they're made with better cheese!!

• Dracula's Curse (2002)
  "What better way for the forces of evil to hide their threat to mankind than to become a joke of B-movies and comic books until they're ready to gather their forces and come out in the open?" A modern retelling of Bram Stoker's story. Jonathan, Mina, Lucy, Quincy and Arthur are all friends living in Budapest (instead of London). It all plays out pretty much the same. Call me a crazy romantic, but I like the love story of the original film. And Gary Oldman was yummy! Oh, and not enough blood or the ever-popular "vampire violence". You can skip this one!

• Dracula: The Dark Prince (2002)
  Vlad Dracula - Rudolf Martin, King Janos (of Hungary) - Roger Daltry, Father Stephan - Peter Weller. Sorry, no vampyres here. This movie is an "historical" account of Vlad the Impaler. Okay, quick history lesson: Vlad Dracul was the father. Vlad Dracula (which means 'son of the Dracul') is the guy Stoker modeled his novel after and whom this movie is about. He was also called Vald Tepes (pronounced 'Tepesh') meaning 'the impaler'. Yeah, he liked to impale people, and while he is still hailed in Romania as a savior, he is also responsible for refining methods of torture and killing a lot of Romanians, not to mention Turks. Okay, history lesson over.

  Now, the movie - the accents (or lack thereof) were terrible. Good historical telling otherwise, even stuck in the whole wifey romance thing (although according to some of the histories I've read, that's mostly heresay). The events in this movie are a lot more cleancut than the history books tell us - read McNally or any other account and you'll see for yourself. Now, if I can blast the cast: Roger Daltry as the King of Hungary?? Maybe if he'd tried to fake an accent, but I just can't take him seriously in this movie. Same goes for Peter Weller (you know, Robocop) as an orthodox Romanian priest? Again, having a hard time with it. Randolf Martin was a good Vlad - dark features and somewhat smoldering/brooding. All in all I recommend this movie if you've got 90 minutes on your hands. Some blood and guts, some fighting, some nice costumes and nice scenery - shot on location in Romania rather than a back lot in L.A.

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  E

• Elvira, Mistress of the Dark (1988)
  Elvira inherits a house in a small, conservative Massachusetts town. She wants to bring them into the present era, they want her out. They showed this movie right before halloween for a few years on TV - guess they couldn't find anything else to put on. Even "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" would have been better.

• Embrace of the Vampire (1994)
  Wow. What a bad movie. But then again I remember saying that and snickering the first time I saw it on the shelf at Blockbuster. Includes Alyssa Milano, Jennifer Tilly and Martin Kemp (who was part of Spandau Ballet in the 1980's!). Should I bother with a synopsis? Vampire finds his reincarnated lost love in an innocent and virginal college student (Milano) and has three days to make her forsake her boyfriend, go to "the dark side", and save him from eternal sleep. Why is it that the vampire never seems to get his way?

• Embrace the Darkness (1998)
  Embrace the mozzarella sticks!!! Well, when a movie starts with a lame contrived sex scene we all know where it's going to go. Flush! Maybe if they spent more time on an actual plot and less time on naked anorexic chicks with fake boobs. Unless you're into soft porn (and not necessarily good porn either), skip this one.

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F

• Fade To Black (1990)
  Main character has some serious problems - no social skills, likes to live in a celluloid world rather than the real one. He starts acting out the M.O. of murder scenes from movies - including one where he's Dracula - when everyday pressures become too much for him. I guess it was too difficult to be an underachiever!

• Fangs of the Living Dead (1968)
  Netflix sleeve says 2004. Seriously?!? Looks and sounds more like 1965. VideoHound says 1968. I KNEW it! Anyway, this womana inherits her family's ancestral home in a small village in Italy. So, two weeks before her wedding she jets off to look at it. Vampires in the family. Blah blah blah. Skip it.

• Fright Night (1985)
  Some good gore for the time period - cross burned into the forehead is a classic. Roddy McDowell as a vampire hunter. Chris Sarandon as the big bad vampire.

• Fright Night II (1989)
  Just when Charley thought he could put away his garlic necklace, more vampires move into town. This time they are an 80's hard rock-looking bunch who terrorize Charley's college campus. Boring beginning, slow, terrible acting. Not sure I ever made it all the way through this movie.

• From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)
  Finally got around to seeing this one (12 years later!!!). I don't like Quentin Tarantino so I never made it a priority - but I have seen bits and pieces in the past. Pretty good movie and it holds up well. Love the use of the disco ball at the end.

• From Dusk Till Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money (1998)
  Not as good as the first, even with bad-ass Danny Trejo as the bartender at the Titty Twister (again). Co-stars Robert Patrick with a scene at the end where he's walking all Terminator-like with mirrored sunglasses (you know what I mean). Bruce Campbell and Tiffany Amber-Theison make an appearance at the beginning.

• From Dusk Till Dawn 3: The Hangman's Daughter (1999)
  A vampire movie where you don't see vampires until over an hour in (and the movie is only 90 minutes long!). Interesting how they weave "An Occurance at Owl Creek Bridge" into the story line, but even with the heavy hitters - Danny Trejo, Orlando Jones, Patricia Gayheart, Sonia Braja - this one was a bit weak.

• Frost: Portrait of a Vampire (2001)
  Four words: Starving kids in Kansas! Why do people spend money making crappy movies when there are starving kids out there? If you're thinkign of making a movie witha terrible plot line and people who can't act - DON'T. Send the money to starving kids instead so that they can buy mozzerella sticks and whatnot. I fell asleep 40 minutes into the movie. I tried to stay awake so that they'd get to the point but it seemed like the first 40 minutes (and this movie is only 90 minutes long) was flashback to give us back story. Zzzzzz. Definitely DO NOT rent this one.

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• The Girl With the Hungry Eyes (1995)
  Based on a short story by Fritz Lieben. I'm wondering if the short story is better than the acting in this movie?? Interesting plot - famous model in the 1930's hangs herself in a hotel room (to which she has the deed) because her lover is unfaithful. Present day (1990's) - the hotel is now derelict and slated for destruction. The hotel - which has an evil soul of it's own - resurrects the model so that she can find the deed and save the hotel. She comes back as a vampire who chomps a few perverts and bad guys, which gives power back to the hotel, and ends up falling in love with a photographer. Some bad acting, a hot Latino guy playing the photographer, and I'm left wondering (but too lazy to look it up) if the lead - Christina Fulton - isn't some semi-famous porn star. (Okay, so I went back and looked it up - seems she has an uncredited part as "Vampire Girl" in "Bram Stoker's Dracula (1991). And parts in several of the Red Shoe Diaries, so there you go).

• Gothic Vampire From Hell (2006)
  More like a music video with a plot than a movie. Industrial metal band trying to win "Battle of the Bands" for a gig at a loca bar. Little do they know that vampires are on the scene as well, poaching contestants as they search for the next band to sign. Blah blah blah. Soundtrack better than the movie...it was a veritable "Goth Box." *grin*

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• The Horror Within (2005)
  Not super bad or good, just sort of boring. I missed a chunk of it puttering around the house cleaning. Oops. Didn't really miss anything though. A group of college kids go to a secluded ranch to make an erotic horror film and find some horror of their own. A couple of kids killed, a couple vamps killed, and a few live to see the light of day. Whoopee. You can skip this one.

• Howling 6: The Freaks (1990)
  Uh, the howling series probably should have stopped after the first couple (although the one set in the castle was pretty good). Vampire, werewolf, carnival of freaks, blah blah blah. When Bruce Payne turns vamp he face turns blue/purple, which is kind of cool.

• How to Slay a Vampire (1995)
  This was the b-side of a DVD with "Demon Under Glass." There's a reason they call it b-side! Two brothers (in their 20's but somehow still living at home with their mom) find a vampire wrapped in a quilt stuffed in a closet when they go down to clean up the basement. I think you can figure out the rest from here. You can skip this one.

• The Hunger (1983)
  David Bowie's character is dying. Seems his vampirenss isn't as eternal as he thought. Catherine Deneuve, his paramour (and maker) watches him grow old and mad (he is literally going crazy) and prepares his replacement (Susan Sarandon). Story adapted from "The Hunger" by Whitley Steiber, which is reallly good.

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• I Am Legend (2007)
  Call me old school, but I like my vampires as people with FX makeup, not CGI. And I like the book (a novella really) by Richard Masteson better too. The movie took a few liberties with the plot - maybe to make it more sexy to the typical american audience - that I wish they hadn't. The movie is okay if you've never read the book (and until now probably only the hard-core vampire lovers have). I do recommend the book fro a good read - and then compare/contrast what you've missed. 500 words or less, single spaced, due by the end of the week ;)

• Immortal (1995)
  Longest 100 minutes of my life, I swear. But I made myself watch it because I kept hoping it would get better. The best part of this movie was when the late-night clerk at the 7-11 got his fingers stuck in the Chinese handcuffs! Pass!!

• Immortality (2000)
  Jude Law as a vampire who lives on the love in the blood of his victims. He can walk in sunlight, eat food, smoke cigarettes, hold crosses and all that fun stuff, he just needs blood to survive. This movie has an artsy feel to it but definitely worth seeing. Must have been limited release or straight to video becasue I'd never heard of it - only came across it because I was looking for things that Jack Davenport (Ultraviolet) has done...he had a small role as a police detective in this film.

• Innocent Blood (1992)
  Not entirely terrible but not great either. All-star cast: Robert Loggia, Anthony LaPaglia, Chazz Palminteri, Don Rickles, Anne Parillaird, Angela Bassett, Luiz Guzman. Female vampire goes hunting for food/lover and ends u in a compromising position with a mob boss. Doesn't get to finish him off and he wakes up, undead in a morgue. He quickly sets about bringing his people over while she (Parillaird) and Anthony LaPaglia team up to stop him. Hokey special effects but a scene with Frank Oz, (yes! Frank Oz!) as the city pathologist who obviously loves his job, makes it worth it.

• Interview With The Vampire (1994)
  Not wonderful, not terrible. Salient pieces of Anne Rice's novel made it to the big screen. Brad Pitt good as Louis. Antonio Banderas yummy as Armand (but if you're read the books you know that Antonio was totally wrong for the true character of Armand). Tom Cruise as Lestat? Ehhh. I would have picked Julian Sands, personally. Kristen Dunst is good as the spoiled, forever youthful Claudia.
• I Pass for Human (2004)
  More about heroin junkies than vampires. The vampires are "leeches" - souls of the dead junkies who hang around their still-living friends and torment them. An appearance by Mary Woronov as an addict counselor (a treat because I was just flipping through the channels the other day and caught part of "Night of the Comet" - good times!). Directed by Chris D. of The Flesh Eaters. See it if you like seeing people shoot up. Otherwise you can pass.

• The Ironbound Vampire (1997)
  I swear this is some NYU film student's project. I made it through the first half hour. It is badly written, poorly acted, and best left unrented.

• I, Vampire: Trilogy of Blood (2006)
  Three short stories featuring our favorite theme - vampires. Pretty good stuff compared to many of the movies I've rented lately. Plus, at only about 25 minutes each, the stories don't drag too much. Look for the hanging mike in several scenes of the second story "From the Grave". I say give it a watch.

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• Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001)
  I made it through the opening scene where a scary long-hair & bearded guy jumps out of tall shrubs and goes all preachy for several minutes. I made it through a pathetic vampire-bites-victim-in-a-dark-parking lot scene. I made it through a scene with some religious guy recruiting a red-mohawk leather jacket father (of the church) who hops on a moped with another father (of the church) to go talk to "the one who can get rid of the vampires". I even made it through the fathers talking to Jesus down by the lake, where they ask him for help, and the ensuing fight scene with three vampire chicks that show up (she kicked Jesus in the balls!!). But when Jesus comes out of the tattoo parlor with short hair, two pierced ears and starts singing - that was it for me. 11 minutes 46 seconds. I don't care if this movie won various Indie filmm festival awards and has El Santos, god of Mexican wresting, in it - this film is just not watchable. DO NOT waste your time!

• John Carpenter's Vampires (1998)
  Horrible movie. Daniel Baldwin is the least talented of the brothers. The only redeeming character was Valek the master vampire (Thomas Ian Griffith) - he can have a vein of mine any day. The book the movie was adapted from - Vampire$ - wasn't much better. Hoped that perhaps the author would take on more about the Church's exploitation and corruption...Nope!

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• The Keep (1983)
  Scott Glenn, Gabriel Byrne. Seems that much of the vampire element in the novel by F. Paul Wilson didn't make it to the silver screen (according to Melton...must find the novel). Good as a general horror movie though - Nazis take over this keep in Romania and people start disappearing. The townspeople tell them there is something evil within the keep, but the Nazis, being the level-headed, always-correct men that they are, scoff at the villagers. Not a good thing to do.

• Killer Klowns From Outer Space (1988)
  Aliens, dressed up like clowns, set up tents and start stringing up unsuspecting victims up in cotton candy pods for safe keeping....and blood sucking. I've never looked at clowns the same again. Definitely on the "B" list.

• Kiss of the Vampire (2007)
  Too many sub-plots around a vampire/human love story: Illuminati; struggle for vampire leadership; vampire hunter and police; scientists looking immortality; crime syncicate; blah blah blah. Chock full of B-movie actors. It was a pleasant suprise to see Phil Fondacaso from "Troll" in the role of the vampires' servant/protector. You can probably skip this one.

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• The Last Sect (2006)
  Vampires use a dating service as a front for their "needs". David Carradine stars as aa descendant of Dr. Van Helsing, out to do away with the vampires. Interesting movie, I didn't love it but didn't hate it either. Netflix jacket synopsis is incorrect (gee, that's a suprise!) I say see it. What do -you- think?

• Let the Right One In (2008)
  A slow but interesting Swedish film about a lonely boy who befriends his new neighbor. They meet in the evening on the jungle gym outside their apartment complex and become uneasy friends - he because he's a bit awkward, she because she can't seem to remember to wear a coat in the middle of winter. I think you can guess which one the vampire is. I say rent it if you want something different. This isn't a slasher film, it doesn't have a lot of special effects or a great soundtrack. It is, however, more original than a lot of movies I've seen lately.

• The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003)
  Critics be damned, I liked this film. The problem today is too many 'critics' go in with expectations and preconceived ideas about what the movie is about. Just let it play for chrissakes! It was a fun romp through fictional 1900 london. What drew me in was the fictional cast of characters (gentlemen): Captain Nemo, Allan Quartermain, Tom Sawyer, Mina Harker, Dorian Gray, Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde, The Invisible Man. Peta Wilson is a great vampire - a proper English lady who's not afraid to get her hands (and face) bloody to take out the bad guys. One cheesy effect near the end, but otherwise good stuff. Droll Sturat Townsend does a good Dorian Gray. According to the boards the movie is _very_ loosely based on the graphic novel by the same name. Haven't read it yet, I'll add it to my to-do list.

• Lifeforce (1985)
  Peter Firth, Patrick Stewart, among other notables. Based on Colin Wilson's novel "The Space Vampires". Astronauts examining Haley's Comet find an abandoned space craft in the corona. They discover three humanoids in it and bring them back home. Turns out their 'space vampires' and they suck the lifeforce out of the crew, save the barely-alive captain. so, they land in England and quickly escape security and start sucking people on the streets. Turns into a sceen from Night of the Living Dead. Good makeup and effects for 1985 - the vampires leave a walking husk behind when they suck the lifeforce, adn if the suckee doesn't find someone else to suck in 24 hours to replenish what was lost, he/she explodes. Poof. Rent it! Some hokey acting, but well worth it, especially if you like naked ladies.

• Little Shop of Horrors (1986)
  Plant needs blood to sustain it and gets its owner in some compromising positions trying to obtain it for him. Star-studded cast. Hokey and over the top, but good family fun.

• The Lost Boys (1987)
  Ahh Keifer. Anyone who forgot about vampires in the mid 1980's quickly remembered when this movie came out. A must see on anyone's vampire list or 80's movie list. A bit of "The Coreys" overacting, but so what. Great soundtrack - Echo and the Bunnymen cover 'People are Strange', plus other good tunes.

• The Lost Boys: The Tribe (2008)
  Some movies are better left un-sequeled. This was a bunch of nobodies (Feldman included - what's he done lately other than The Surreal Life on VH1?!?) with a nearly non-existant storylinne and dialogue. It was more an extended music video - at times soft-porn video - than a movie. and while Keifer Sutherland made vampires both sexy and badass (a la The Lost Boys, 1987), his younger brother Angus can't begin to fill his shoes. Its no suprise this movie went straight to video. If you do watch this check out the sax player in spandex in one of the opening scenes - same guy as #1?!?

• Love At First Bite (1979)
  George Hamilton, the tannest vampire I've ever seen, goes out into New York disco nightlife to find a soulmate. Arte Johnso plays Renfield. A comedy - good times. See it if only to make fun of the costumes and fake accents.

• Lust For Dracula (2004)
  Netflix needs to get better about labeling their movies and not just going by what the studio says. This one would say "no actual movie inside; lesbian encounters and adult situations" or some crap like that. I'm usually looking for a movie, not a video of chicks sitting in fronnt of a camera feeling themselves up and down. Skp it unless that's your thing.

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• Martin (1977)
  Psychopathic teen who kills and drinks the blood of his victims. His uncle tries to show him salvation rather than killing him. This movie ends the way most of them do - stake in the chest for the vampire (although in this case, Martin did deserve a good staking). Disturbing movie but quite thought-provoking in its veer from the 'gothic' image of the vampire.

• Midnight Kiss (1993)
  I had better be getting some kind of reward in the afterlife for watching so many bad vampire movies. Add one more to the list. The guy playing the vampire looked like some kind of male model (cologne, underwear?) until he starting making facial expressions and talking. And they gave him too many teeth - he could barely talk. So, thin plot line, bad acting, oh, and I fell asleep with 30 minutes to go...guess I'll have to go back and find out if the cops turns into a vampire and joins him in the afterlife or kills him - or not! Skip it.

• Midnight Mass (2003)
  Earth is taken over vampires and a de-frocked priest and an athiest band together to take back their town. Based on the novella by F. Paul Wilson, who also co-wrote the screenplay with the director. Now I know for a fact that Wilson writes good stuff, so I can only assume that this movie was terrible because of no budget and bad acting. I must have looked at the clock twenty times to see if it was close to the end (hour and a half long!). Do NOT rent this. Ever. Stay far away.

• Modern Vampires (1999)
  Casper Van Diem, Kim Cattrell, Rod Steiger (Dr. Von Helsing), Craig Ferguson (Mr. Wick from "The Drew Carey Show"). Rod Steiger totally overacts. Plot very thin, overacting all around. Terrible movie!

• The Monster Squad (1987)
  Small southern town overrun by monsters. Dracula is the leader of the pack (with Frankenstein, the Mummy, and the Creature from the Black Lagoon following close behind) looking for some amulet Van Helsing stole. Dracula wants to find the amulet and rule a world full of monsters. More for kids, but any horror buff can get a few laughs out of it.

• Mrs. Amworth (2006)
  Slow, boring, acting's not great. Don't bother.

• My Best Friend Is A Vampire (1988)
  Robert Sean Leonard gets bitten by a vampire while making a delivery to an old mansion. Rene Auberjonois (you may remember his as Clayton Endicott III in "Benson" or Odo from "Star Trek"!) shows up to mentor Robert in all things vampire. Misunderstood vampires, fight against good and evil, a few car crashes, your basic teen vamp movie.

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• Nadja (1995)
  Another one of those dark, noir-esque vampire movies. Peter Fonda as vampire hunter. Full of sex, betrayal, seduction, murder and grainy b & w film for emphasizing the dark world of vampires.

• Near Dark (1987)
  Music by Tangerine Dream! Adrian Pasdar, Bill Paxton. Definitely not the average vampire vs. vampire or vampires-ravage-a-town plot. As it says on the DVD sleeve “This extraordinary shocker is one of the most ferociously original vampire movies of our generation.” Yeah, I’ll go with that…and I’ll add, RENT IT!! A must see for anyone who likes vampire movies but isn’t looking for tons of blood and gore.

• Nick Knight (1989)
  Pilot movie for the popular but unfortunately short-livd series "Forever Knight". Rick Springfield as Nick (go ahead, laugh, I did too...for a long time). Thankfully Rick was replaced by Geraint Wyn Davies for the series. Something about an ancient goblet used for blood-drinking ceremonies. Several salient points of this movie were changed (including Nick's bio) by the time the series aired; if they hadn't been, I doubt it would have lasted even one season.

• Night (2006)
  Cop gets bitten by a vampire and then stops going to work. His partner and best friend won't let it go, vowing to find him. Blah blah blah. skip it.

• Night Junkies (2007)
  Refreshingly different. Dark and more than a little twisted. This movie equates vampirism to addiction and they're just junkies looking for another fix. But its so much more than that. Definitely see this one! Oh, and Giles Alderson...yummy!

• Night Owl (1993)
  Indie film about this vampire who meets women in bars, brings them home and sucks them dry. Shot in black and white. John Leguizamo plays a brother looking for a missing sister. Thin plot. Slow. Low body count. Maybe a bit too "indie" for me? Highlight is when one of the characters is watching a TV interview with Caroline Munroe adn she is talking about playing Carla in "Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter" and playing a vampire in a Meatloaf video. Don't bother with this one.

• Night Stalker (1972)
  Made for TV movie. Luckless reporter gets his break when someone starts killing Las Vegas showgirls. The reporter believes the murderer is a vampire of sorts, but, er, no one believes him.

• Night Watch (2005)
  Russian film. Story about an ancient fued still going on today with the Night Watch and the Day Watch each trying to maintain the balance so that no one steps out of line and tips the scale. There's a prophecy, shapeshifters and of course vampires, all set in a modern-day post-Iron Curtain Russia (or the country formerly known as Russia). This movie is slow-moving, but not uninteresting. A fresh take on the vampire theme. If you want something different, if you're tired of bad vampire movies and poor "Dracula-love story" remakes, take a chance and see this one. I plan on owning it, it was that good!

• Nosferatu (1922)
  Max Schreck. Immortalized the way we look at the Nosferatu. Sure, we've got George Hamilton's witty vampire and Gary Oldman's seductive vampire, but Schreck gives us the gruesome, evil vampire. What did the Nosferatu clan look like in the very short-lived series "Kindred: The Embraced"? Uh-huh. Anyway...they had to change the name of this movie from "Dracula" due to copyright problems with Bram Stoker's widow. To this day, one of the creepies vampire movies.

• Nosferatu - The First Vampire (1996)
  This is a copy of F.W. Murnau's "Nosferatu" with an introduction by David Carradine and orchestration by Type O Negative. Now I recall seeing a silent movie in the 90's with additional orchestration by the Alloy Orchestra, adn they did it in such a way as to enhance the viewing pleasure of the movie. Not so in this case. Yes, the T.O.N. songs were good, but they were distracting - if I listened to them I wasn't following the movie, and I couldn't follow the movie for the T.O.N. singing. Sometimes silent is better left, um, shhhhh!

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• Once Bitten (1985)
  Lauren Hutton, Jim Carrey. The only Carrey movie that I actually like. Hutton plays an aging vampire in search of virgin blood to ensure her youthful agility and good looks. But where does one find a virgin in present-day Los Angeles? It's easier to get the clap. But she finds Carrey, who's itching to get laid - preferably by his hesitant girlfriend. But hey, goys will be boys. So, he gets a few 'love bites' and starts enjoying raw hamburgers. Michael Jackson-esque dance/fight scene for "my man" at the high school halloween dance should NOT be missed.

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• Perfect Creature (2006)
  Dougray Scott and Saffron Burroughs. An alternate world where vampires and humans live together. The vampires, the Brotherhood, watch over the humans, and the humans in return offer up their blood from time to time. But then something goes wrong, helped by the rebellios vampire Edgar, and people start going insane. Because the story line was different I wanted to like it, but it was just too slow or something. Maybe if I'd read it as a book first becuase I'm sure a book would spend much more time on the Brotherhood's history and the current state of the human population, as well as the genetic testing - and genetic mutation - that was an underlying theme. See it if you want something different.

• Plan 9 From Outer Space (1956)
  Turkey or not, how can you NOT like something by Ed Wood? He gave herion-addicted Bella Lugosi a few more reels of celluloid immortality, hung saucers from visible string when he couldn't afford anything better, and unleashes vampire-zombiees to take over the world from stupid Earthlings. Glorious B-movie fun.

• Project Vampire (1992)
  Low budget. Kind of interesting. This doctor, who is actually a vampire from back in the day - not Vlad but still old and royalty and all that - develops a serum intended to turn humans into vampires so that vampires can (finally) rule the planet. Plan is foiled of course. Too many sub-plots, but not a bad premise. I've seen worse, believe me!

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• The Queen of the Damned (2002)
  Stuart Townsand, Vincent Perez, Aliyah. Movie adapted from Anne Rice novel, with many liberties. One its own it's not a bad movie - critics be damned - nice costumes, special effects (especially the luminous vampire eyes) and soundtrack. One thing - if you haven't read "The Vampire Lestat" and "The Queen of the Damned" you just don't have the full flavor of what the movie is trying to tell you about Lestat's character. Also, you've got no idea who those dour looking immortals are in the "showdown" scene: Armand (blond no less!), Pandora, Maul and Kayman. They've got no back-story in the movie nor spoken lines - what a shame. On the other hand, if you like sucking necks and violence have a ball. Rated R for "Vampire Violence". I love it.

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• The Rape of the Vampire (1967)
  This movie is really messed up. And NOT in a good way. I don't care if director Jean Rollin was some sort of great French horror director, this was bad. Did they not have money to shoot scenes at night? Or could his vampires walk around in daylight. They never tell you for sure and I can't tell because it's a black & white film! And what's up with the random nakedness? There was no point, just every once in a while chicks would be walking around topless. Bad acting. No plot. Have I left anything out? I'm just watching the clock waiting for this one to end....and wondering if it was too late to order mozzerella sticks...

• Razor Blade Smile (1998)
  Vampire contract killer. As in vampire who is a contract killer - she's a vampire who has a job so that she can keep from getting bored throughout eternity. Not a bad storylinen, too bad the acting was horrid. Skip it.

• Reign in Darkness (2002)
  Modern day scientists start fiddling around with this virus (K-17) first discovered in the 1960's, supposedly to find a cure for HIV. While in the field injecting a test subject (i.e. homeless guy) with the new virus, the scientist ends up with the needle sticking out of his leg. Whoops! Okay, so he's a vampire now. Oh, and he can walk in the daylight. Of course, he still has a conscience so he wants to make sure that the virus doesn't get unleashed on the human race. . Weak acting. One good fight scene near the end. Interesting premise although it drowned in the bad acting and seemingly show scenes - just get to the point already. On the fence with this one - if you don't have to go out of your way to find it (Netflix), give it a look. Otherwise, yeah, the mozz sticks.

• Requiem for a Vampire (1971)
  If I never see another french vampire movie (especially one directed by Jean Rollin) I can die happy! Thank heaven for the FF button. If it's possible this movie had the least amount of plot of the three Rollin's movies. That, and if the actors were paid by the word, they all went home poor. It was a lot of running through fields or up and down steps in a chateau but not much else. That said, can you doubt I'd choose the mozzerella sticks?!?

• Revamped (2008)
  See this movie if for no other reason than all the B-movie actors they got for it. Good times.

• Rise: Blood Hunter
  Lucy Liu, reluctant vampire, sets about getting rid of her sire and the others in his clan so that they can't make any other unwilling offspring. Slow to start, slow throughout with a lot of flashbacks (so you are about 30 minutes in before you understand what's really going on!). The best scenes might be the ones where Marilyn Manson appears as a bartender (to which my sister said, "he looks like a serial killer. He looks better in all his weird makeup."!!) Michael Chiklis is also in this movie, so either a lot of people needed to make boat payments, or they just wanted to make something different and under the Hollywood radar. It's worth a watch.

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• Salem's Lot (1979)
  Lengthy made-for-TV movie adapted from Stephen King novel. I think I first saw this movie on HBO in the 80's and being around 12 at the time, it both intrigued and scared the shit out of me. To this day I can't sleep at night without the curtains, shade or blinds drawn for fear that someone was going to come knocking on the window asking to be let in. Basically: mysterious antique dealer, with an even stranger partner. A couple of kidds, then adults, turn up dead. A now-famous novelist returns to confront his childhood fears. Starsky (or was it Hutch) - the novelist - saves the day. Book was better, but this is good too.

• Sangre Eterna (Eternal Blood) (2002)
  A group of college students involved in a vampyre roll-playing game. They play with this guy named Dahmer who gives them free booze and drugs and one by one turns them into vampyres - or so the last man standing thinks. Great make-up. Flying looks a little hokey. I say rent it.

• Saturday the 14th (1981)
  Friday the 13th spoof that's chock full of monsters trying to get out of a creepy old mansion. Van Helsing shows up to ruin, rather than save, the day. Good fun.

• Saturday the 14th Strikes Back (1988)
  One spoof was enough. This movie was beyond bad. Nothing from the first movie was salvaged. Does feature a hot vampire chick, but it's still not worth the rental fee if you can find it at Blockbuster.

• Shadow of the Vampire (2000)
  John Malkavich as F.W. Murnau, Willam Defoe as Max Schreck. Fictional tale about the making of Murnau's "Nosferatu" where the main character, Schreck, really IS a vampire. Great performances by Defoe as the quirky, standoffish vampire-count "playing" the part of a vampire. Good movie all around. Rent it tonight!

• Shadow Zone: The Undead Express (1996)
  Boy likes horror movies. Boy's life turns into a horror movie replete with a pack of vampires that travel the old defunct tracks of the NYC subway system. Ron Silver is the "father" vampire. Intro to movie is like a "Tales from the Crypt" knock off...wonder if there are more shadow zones out there... Other than that, good flick for PG-13 if you like "Goosebumps" variety horror. Funny scene when Zach (the boy) leads Valentine (Ron Silver) out into present day NYC and street corner goths laugh at his cane-top hat-satin-lined-cloak look.

• The Shiver of the Vampires (1970)
  Another vampire movie by Jean Rollin. For this one, he upgraded to color. Whoo-hoo! Lacking in plot, too much random walking from place to place and close-up scenery shots (how many times do we need to see the skull candle holder I ask you?). Again with the random nakedness although this time with lesbian overtones. There wasn't much shivering going on and I couldn't bare to watch this in real time - fast forwarded through most and just got the gist. Skip this movie - it's not worth your time.

• Shower of Blood (2004)
  While there were numerous shower scenes (and therefore lots of boobs *eye roll*) only one actual bloody shower. Weak, poor acting, plus I'm tired of seeing gratuitous amounts of chicks with fake boobs lathering or otherwise rubbing themselves. Netflix should have a rating system so I can steer clear of these movies that do nothing but waste my time. "Vampire violence" - yes; "Gore" - yes! "Tits galore" - pass. You, gentle reader, may of course feel differently. I'll take the mozz sticks.

• Side FX (2005)
  Interesting storyline but the acting wasn't great. This college kid gets his hands on a designer drug whose side effects include an erotic high and insatiable craving for blood. Which leads to a rash of "dog attacks" in the area. The guy who created the drug tries to warn one of the kids and you get a brief back story tying into Eastern Europe, Vlad, and vampires *eye roll*. It all culminates with a halloween rave at an abandoned farmhouse and most of the party-goers a few pints low. Kept me awake, barely, but don't kill yourself trying to find it on rental.

• Slayer (2006)
  Another Casper Van Diem straight-to-video vampire movie (but who's counting!). Not the best movie but at least it has production value and quality actors - for the most part. Casper plays an army captain, Lynda Carter is his CO, Danny Trejo is a river-boat guide. Then there's the big black guy werewolf (#2 in command) from "Underworld", the guy with dreds from "Stargate", and "Ugly Betty"'s dad. So I'm not good with names. Anyway, they are in the jungle of South America and the vampires are taking over after their original habitat - the rain forest - has become non-existant due to developers and deforestation. Let's saya its not a happy ending for everyone. Not a terrible movie. May be worth a Netflix to you.

• Sleepless Nights (2002)
  Another low budget movie with ho-hum acting and boring story line. A few of the actors look familiar, like I've seen them somewhere before. Maybe they did this first and then got real acting jobs. Oh, and Netflix got the synopsis wrong - call me detail girl, but shouldn't the blurb and the movie be the same?!?! The best part of the movie was the scene with the security guard drinking from a mug of blood that says "I Hate Mornings". Funny! But please, don't see this movie just for that scene - skip it.

• Sleepwalkers (1992)
  Another lifeforce sucking movie. Demon mother and son move into a small town. They're strong, can change shape but have this problem when a hoard of cats shows up to run them out of town. That's right, these demons can't stand cats - and the feeling is mutual. Original vampire tale from Stephen King. You can catch the son Charles (Brian Krause) on the TV show "Charmed" these days playing a good guy.

• Soul's Midnight (2006)
  How good can a movie with Armand Assante as the head vampire be? It had its moments, but Armand shirtless in a romantic embrace wasn't one of them. A bit cheesy, but the plot was somewhat original - sacrifice a descendant of St. George on the eve of St. George's day and mix the blood with the ashes of the dragon (slain centuries ago by St. George, natch), and voila - daddy dragon/vampire comes back to raise hell, literally. And that was a very long sentence. See it or not, flip a coin.

• Stakes (2002)
  I think they spent most of their budget on the opening credit. Doesn't bode well for the movie, eh? Interesting premise - vampires from a parallel universe find their way into ours. Luckily, a small team of vampire hunters follow shortly thereafter. Terrible acting. Unconvincing (and somewhat homely) vampire queen. A head vampire with man-boobs (eww!). I can think of better ways to spend 82 minutes. Like eating mozzerella sticks.

• Stephen King's The Night Flier (1997)
  How did I miss this one? Maybe I thought I saw it years ago or something, but I know I never have. This is good Stephen King - a nice short story (i.e. not a 3-part mini series) about a reporter for one of those trashy supermarket tabloids who gets caught up in a search for this guy who flies around the east coast, landing at small private airports and killing whomever is there. It doesn't end well for the reporter, but then it never does. I would have liked to have known how the "night flier", a man named Dwight Renfield, became the flier in the first place, but for a photo album of old photos found in his cockpit, we are not told. Oh well, I'm sure I could figure it out. If you haven't seen this one, you should.

• Strange Things Happen at Sundown (2003)
  Don't even bother! Over 2 hours of undead wanna-be NYC mobsters turned vampires and interludes of some chick acting like a vampire cop trying to cleanup the vampire rif-raf. Slow, bad acting, bad script, and people who get bitten and don't die fast enough. Not to mention all the wasted blood - sloppy vampires!

• Subspecies (1990)
  Must admit that I fell asleep trying to watch this (part too much pasta and part boredom). Evil (and disturbing looking) vamp Radu. Healthy co-eds visiting Transylvania. Radu manages to get twoout of three before his good-looking brother Stephan steps in. Creepy mini clay demon-men things help Radu with his evil work. They look a lot like the creatures from The Gate, frankly. Two or three sequals. First horror film shot in post-Ceausescu Transylvania.
• Sucker: The Vampire (1998)
  If it says 'Troma Films' it can't be good. I saw that at the opening credits (which lsted something like 5 minutes) and groaned. Popcorn was good though, made it myself. Anyway, vampire is a 'singer in a rock 'n' roll band", so he uses this to pick up chicks. Along the way he picks up something else from the blood he sucks. Oh, and a female von Helsing is after him too. Wasn't really horror, but it wasn't all terrible either (well, maybe the naked scenes with the really fake boobs was a bit much). There was a comedic aspect in the vampire's assistant which did keep me from turning this one off. I'd say rent it only if you've seen everything else (and don't mind bad acting).
• Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat (1990)
  The wackiest vampire movie you've never seen! So many celebs you just need to go to the IMDB and look this one up! David Carradine, Bruce Campbell, Maxwell Caulfield (Rexy you're so sexy!), Gerardo - ?!? Vampires living off synthetic blood in an old copper mining town out west. But there's dissent in the ranks...of course. Rent it. Now!

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• Tale of a Vampire (1992)
  Julian Sands. You know, I LIKED Julian Sands until I saw this movie (yes, even "Warlock"). Maybe he was bored or needed the money. Yes, its cool that this old vampire spends all his time in a library and seduces the librarian (hell, Julian Sands can seduce this librarian any time!) but the movie was just too mopey. You know, one of those long drawn out "god i'm bored what should i do" sighs - that's this movie...coupled with the thought "ack, when does this dreariness end?!?"

• 30 Days of Night (2007)
  I wasn't sure if I would like a vampire movie with Josh Harnett in it - my first thought was another "WB" movie, you know one of those dumbed-down movies for the 'tweens with one or more WB-series stars trying to "breakout". Oh and then there's Melissa George, the "girl with the weird eyebrows." (They kept distracting me during The Amityville Horror remake...well, that and Ryan Reynolds running around shirtless ;) But, on the whole, the movie wasn't terrible. Slow to start, but plenty of blood by nightfall. And an ending I didn't necessarily see coming. I say give it a watch.

• The Thirst (2006)
  Yeah for gore and vampire violence! And movies that don't look like film school final projects! I'm thinking this one probably went straight to video, but what a wild ride. Newly-sober Maxx thinks his girlfriend is using again, but nah, she's got cancer. The pukingn is from the chemo, which she has been hiding from him. She gets a midnight (okay 3am) visit from a special friend, dies, but is later seen in a club. Death can't keep these lovebirds apart. Lots of jugular spurting and chasing scared humans ensues. Look for Jeremy Sisto, Adam Baldwin, Mass Kesslar, Clare Kramer, and even Otep. Good family fun! See it (unless the sight of blood makes you squeamish!)

• Transylvania 6-5000 (1985)
  Jeff Goldblum, Ed Bagley Jr., Geena Davis, Michael Richards. If you haven't seen this and are in the mood for something campy/comedy/horror, run to your nearest Blockbuster with your fingers crossed that they actually have it. (If you've got a small-chain video store around, you might have a better shot). Basically Ed and Jeff end up in Transylvania and find out that monsters really do exist, although most aren't evil, just misunderstood. Like Odette (Geena Davis), the seductive vampiress - she's really just a misunderstood nympho who likes to suck on people's necks.
• True Blood (2008)
  Conflicted. Want to love it, want to hate it. Love the books by Charlaine Harris that the show is based on. Jury is still out even after watching all of the first season.
• Tsui Hark's Vampire Hunters (2003)
  Whomever wrote the abstract for Netflix didn't bother to watch the movie. You have been warned. That aside, an interesting movie. Watched it with subtitles on - wondering if it would have been more cohesive if I'd known Chinese. The attempts to lighten the mood, er, comedy, fell flat and there were several occasions where the scenes just sort of ended without warning or resolution. The master vampire was kind of cool though. I say rent it, it's different.

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• Ultraviolet (2001)
  Jack Davenport. Six episodes that didn't get picked up as a BBC series. Available on 2 DVDs - each episode is around 50 minutes long. Modern day vampires can't be video taped, camera, audio, nada. The only way you can tell is using ultraviolet light...or get them outside after sunrise (that always works). "Religion is a placebo". Good stuff. Too bad it didn't get picked up because I would have liked to see where they went with it.

• Ultraviolet (2006)
  Milla Jovovich. This movie has nothing to do with the short-lived BBC show by the same name (see above). Nor is it a "Resident Evil" knockoff...although Milla kicks just as much ass in this movie as she does in RE I and II!! This movie is set in the near future and focuses on the extermination of a sub-culture of vampires (people that were infected by a genetically engineered virus supposed to wipe out common diseases but instead turned them into vampires). But the vampires do not want to go gentle into that good night. So Milla rides around on her motorcycle infultrating high security areas, kicking ass and taking names (along with a boy named Six) and generally trying to save the world for her vampire kind - all in leather and vinyl outfits with perfectly coordinated accessories. A fun movie. A friend said it was over the top, but then he's never seen most of the crap that I subject myself to (Troma anyone?!?!). Rent or buy the full, unedited (unrated) version - there are a few minutes at the beginning that really add to the story. It's a shame they took it out of the theatrical version - it explains a lot about how the humans became vampires. I say rent it!!

• Underworld (2003)
  Critics be damned, this was a good movie. But then I always go for movies that are dark, rainy, excessively vinyl and full of kick-ass fight scenes. Which is just what you get. One critic said it wasn't 'scary' enough. I didn't realize that all vampire movies were supposed to be scary (I guess she never saw "Tale of a Vampire"...what an unscary snooze-fest that one was!). Kate Beckinsale was awesome as a vampire; a little slow on the uptake and a bit too naive, but hey, we can't all be jaded pessimists. Great special effects and fight scenes and great plot line with the ammo to kill the other side. Two thumbs up. Big fan, and not only because of the great soundtrack and Beckinsale's wardrobe (I want a pair of those boots!) See this at least once on the big screen, maybe even twice!

• Underworld: Evolution (2005)
  Selene (Kate Beckinsale) and Michael (Scott Speedman) are back for some more vampire action. They are hiding out after the big fight that resulted in Victor's death (end of "Underworld"), still unsure as to what Michael's powers anad limitations might be. Selene goes looking for some old friends to find out answers about the original fued between the vampires and lycans. Marcus is now awake (end of "Underworld") and lookinng for something too. This movie is darker, with fewer fancy cars and fancy costumes, but weaves a good story. Oh, and a kick-ass (literally) fight scene at the end. Where will the story go from here - sequel, prequel, we'll just have to wait and see. Great soundtrack too. See this film!

• Underworld: Rise of the Lychans (2009)
  Fun, but not as fun as #1. It was dark and hairy, but moved much slower than the other movies in the series. Plus, since this is a prequel, no Selene. Two annoying things - the last part of the sex scene (seriously!?! this is as bad as the sex scene in "The Ninth Gate"!) and the very end with the voice over. It left a bad taste in my mouth because anyone who hasn't seen the other two movies or wants to watch them in historical rather than production sequence could get confused. Oh, and um, in the first movie, the flashbacks Michael has of Lucien's about Victor and his daughter - she's a blond, not a brunette!! But I suppose if we can suspend our disbelief about the reality of werewolves, we can gloss over that little fact too. (Psst - vampires are real, werewolves are not *wink*). In all, worth seeing. I do love the "Underworld" series and hope they will make one or two more (I'm dying to know what Selene & Michael progeny would be like!).
  

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• Vamp (1986)
  How did I miss this movie?!? It's got the Long Duck Dong guy from 'Sixteen Candles' the fun-loving geekling from 'Meatballs', and I swear the third guy was in Weird Science, although it doesn't say so in my Leonard Malton Movie Guide. Oh, and Grace Jones plays this vamp/stripper that these guys from a nearby college hire as a stripper for a frat party. Well, they don't quite make it back to the college. Some good gore/special effects. Funny scene at the end with the dying vampire. Has a bit of comedy, a bit of horror - a whole lotta fun. I recommend it!!

• Vampire Assassin (2005)
  Take me away from all this...bad movie-making! I'm not going to bother to tell you what it's about. Just don't see it!

• Vampire Clan (2002)
  I had to move the remote across the room so I wouldn't turn it off ten minutes in. A reviewer at imdb gave it a 6 out of 10. Maybe she was drunk or something. The movie was just terrible! The acting was bad, the writing was horrible, the people were wooden, etc. Based on a true story or not, overall it was crap. At one point I'm saying the same lines as the cast but a few beats ahead: "No dumbass it's a werewolf". In summary, I paid my $5 to Blockbuster, but don't you make the same mistake. Opt for the mozz sticks next door.

• The Vampire Conspiracy (2005)
  Vampire kidnaps a handful of people and drops them amidst his labrynth for a game of "survive 'til sunrise and win." A few twists and turns, not to mention the labrynth and someone's victorious...or are they? Slow to start but I appreciated the storyline. At first it smacked of "The Cube" without all the violent dying, but then the plot kicked inn. Maybe worth a look.

• Vampire Dentist (2006)
  I made it through about fifteen minutes. They were more painful than an abcessed tooth. Skip this one.

• Vampire Diary (2007)
  Documentary filmmaker follows around a group of "weekend vampires" and is "found" by a real vampire. Crazy mixed up relationship ensues with weekenders who go missing, lesbian relationship, police chase and a child. Fell asleep halfway through and woke up to screaming. Whoops - maybe that was me because the movie was still playing. Slow, a bit boring. Skip it.

• Vampire Effect (2003)
  Jackie Chan meets Count Dracula. Literally. This isn't a Jackie Chan movie, but he does have two scenes doing a bit of his style slapstick. Interesting flick (I was worried when I put it in the DVD machine), although I could do without the comedic interludes. The European prince vampire is a dork. The vampire hunter/slaying count doesn't really start adding up until the end, but the special effects are cool and so are teh fight scenes. Charlene Choi and Gillian Chung (two of Asia's biggest pop music stars according to the DVD sleeve) star. A few outtakes at the end, including a bit on vampire erectial dysfunction. Hilarious.

• Vampire High (2001)
  The TV series that never was?!? This thing runs like a mini-series with cuts for commercial breaks. Maybe if this came out when I was twelve I would have been into it...now it just seems contrived, not to mention that one of the "students" looks like he's 30! Don't bother!

• Vampire Hunter D (1985)
  Japanese anime. Vampire Hunter "D" (we don't know his full name) goes to help a woman in need - save her from the vampires - that sort of thing. Along the way he gets to explore his true identity (should I tell??). I've tried several times to watch this movie. I keep getting distracted. I like the premise, I guess I just don't like the anime.

• Vampire Journals (1996)
  I know I've seen this - within the lst two years - but either I fell asleep (imagine that) watching it or it just wasn't that memorable. Wait, I remember a vampire skulking around in the dark and trying to save a human girl from an 'evil' vampire. Now that can be just about ANY of them. J. Gordon Melton didn't have much to say about it either.

• Vampires Anonymous (2000)
  Fun little flick. Humorous, different story line and happy outcome for once. Shoot, did I give it away?!? Paul Popowich as a vampire who joins VA because he always ends up eating his dates - wrecks havoc on his love life. They test him, find out that sheeps blood is his thing and ships him off to a small town in North Carolina, where the fun begins. Disappearing sheep, rednecks, bumbling cops, and a perky blond love interest. What more could you ask for? I say rent it.

• Vampires in Havana (1987)
  The one good thing about this one - subtitles instead of dubbing. That was the only good thing. This is a cartoon, something not explicitely mentioned in the blurb on the dvd. And we're not talking Disney-style cartoon. I just couldn't get into it. Look for it only if you like jerky, sketchy cartoon (think Dr. Katz) and a thin plot line.

• Vampire Sisters (2004)
  Borderline soft-core porn, with a storyline thrown in. Three vampires use their internet porn site to lure their top customers back to their lair for "special prizes." The acting is bad, so really the only thing keeping me watching is the bald cop who is looking for a missing person. But just barely, mind you.

• Vampire Wars: Battle for the Universe (2005)
  Vampire "sanitation crews" travel the galaxy cleaning up vamire attacks on different planets. And there are many different species of vampires out there so they all have to be killed differently. Interesting story line, although the delivery was weak at times. Good production value - like maybe this was a Sci Fi original or something. Michael Ironside shows up as a leader of a species of vampire; one of the DeLuise sons as a human; a vaguely familiar blond; and this vampire chick (who was one of the good guys) who does a pretty good Traci Lords pout...and for the guys, is pretty much always dressed in leather. Might be worth a viewing.

• Vampire's Kiss (1989)
  Ah, the 80's...big hair, skinny neckties, cheesy music. I swear this movie feels more like it was made in 1985 or '86, but I guess there was still lots of big hair in 1989. Anyway, interesting story. Nicholas Cage plays crazy very well (think Renfield in the Dracula novel). Alternately, he's a total prick to this secretary in his office but the movie never really explains why. Would have been more enjoyable without Cage's grating accent (I think a cross between affected aristocrat and California surfer dude). Jennifer Beales plays the vampire he picks up in a club one night. Frankly, she should have sucked his miserable self dry the first night rather than letting him live. Worth one viewing, maybe.

• Vampires: Out for Blood (2004)
  Kevin Dillon, Vanessa Angel, Lance Hendricksen. So my first thought when I saw the cast was "someone needed to make a boat payment." But it was actually not too bad. The orgy scene at the beginning made me roll my eyes and some of the lines they said were lame, but the story was a bit different, and with all the crappy vampire movies out there, that's sometimes all I can hope for!

• Vampires: The Turning (2005)
  At the begining I thought "Oh no, another crappy movie." But I was pleasantly suprised. Acting, plot, and special effects are pretty good. I give it a thumb up, original to say the least.

• Vampire Vixens from Venus (1994)
  Started watching this one night back in the day when Rhonda Scher hosted 'USA UP All Night'. Lots of boobs and bottle blonds but not much plot...but then we never did expect much more than that on 'Up All Night'!

• Vampires vs. Zombies (2004)
  Forty minutes and I haven't seen many vampires OR zombies. Slow, bad acting. Oh, and never pick up anyone called Carmilla...you're just asking for it. Don't bother with this one.

• Vampiros (2004)
  Spanish film with subtitles. I'm sure it was good but I just couldn't get into it. Guy meets hot girl at a night club, they go home together, he wakes up alone with a pain in the neck...literally. Then he spends the rest of the movie lookinng for her and trying to figure out what to do about his blood thirst. Eh. Pass.

• Vampitheatre (2009)
  Not good music and not good acting. Sorry folks. This was like an extended music video. Don't bother.

• Vampiyaz (2004)
  This movie is lame. Why am I watching this again? Oh, right, so you don't have to waste your time! Okay, so this guy, who's claim to fame is cracking safes, ends up going to jail (for running over a girl, robbing a house -? I can't keep track). He gets out eight years later and tried to reconnect with his 'hood. His best friend (and onetime partner in crime) is now a vampire who wants him to do a special job. Blah blah blah. And that's not because I can't relate to living in the 'hood - it's just bad writing, bad acting, bad, bad, bad. DON'T rent this one.

• Vampyr (1932)
  Supposed to be one of cinema's greatest horror movies. I think I must be jaded because I don't agree. Wasn't very horrific. There was an out-of-body experience but no vampires. Black and white. I watched the movie on fast forward...the only way to fly. See this onlly if you feel you have to.

• Vampz (2004)
  Just don't bother.

• Van Helsing (2004)
  Hugh Jackman, Kate Beckinsale. Okay, so I somehow forgot to write a review right after seeing this movie. And now I can barely remember the thing, with a few exceptions: Hugh - you look hot as always; Kate - lose the Romanian accent and stick to being a vampire (Underworld) instead of a vampire hunter; great special effects on Dracula's wives - they were bitchy and snarky and fun to watch; ending was lame (my friend Kim says it needed more time to resolve the story as the last five minutes sucked). See if for Hugh and they guy who plays Kate's brother (who coincidentally is the hot dancer guy from the Gap commercials from a few years ago!), who turns into a -- nope, not going to give it away. Movie is good for one watching, unless you really like the special effects. After reading about the making-of, I respect the movie more. I want a vampire baby as a tattoo. Most people will probably think it's too cheesy.

• Vlad (2004)
  I was visiting friends when I saw this movie. They had it "On Demand" on cable and so I asked if we could watch it. As such, I felt obligated to actually watch the whole thing, even after my friends got bored. Man was this boring. Billy Zane, with a bad Romanian accent, is contracted to lead these four college students through the Romanian mountains to one of Vlad Tepes' castles. It's all a ruse of course, as this secret order really wants to get their hands on a medallion that they are sure one of the students possesses. Slow moving and ridiculous scenes, including the "bathtub scenes" where one of the co-eds (female of course) decides to take a relaxing bath after coming back to her room only to discover that it has been ransacked. (The bad guys looking for the medallion perhaps?!?). So anyway, there are all these candles and she's in the tub with her sad looking breasts peeking out of the water when she starts having visions of things that happened centuries ago. Turns out that's what happens to people when they handle the medallion. And then there's the fact that Vlad is coming into the 21st century (a la "Timeline") because the medallion isn't in his grave with his bones anymore. And then there's the chick speaking Middle English who ends up coming through too *eye roll*. Oh, and Billy Zane disappears halfway through the movie. I thought he was the star quality in this thing. Where'd he go?!? B for boring and L for lacking in vampire action - this movie is more about the history of Vlad whan vampirisn, which would usually be okay with me, but man, does this movie suck! Sorry Billy, I love ya (Orlando, Phantom, etc.) but this was definitely NOT your best movie!

• Vulture's Eye (2002)
  Modern retelling of Bram Stoker's story, replete with Lucy, Mina, Arthur, Quincy, Jack and Van Helsing. No Harker though - in this one Mina is in love with Quincy. The "bad guy" Coung Vogel comes from Sierra Leone and ain't no Gary Oldman. Long, drawn out, too many random boob shots. Lame. Don't bother.

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  W

• Waxwork (1988)
  Not a vampire film, but does have a vampire scene. Teens break into this house that's been turned into a wax museum one night. You know how you're never supposed to supposed to sit on the furniture or cross the ropes of a display - yeah, well, crazy kids! One by one they get sucked into the waxwork scenes - Dracula's castle, Marquis de Sade's basement, etc. The heros get out but the others aren't so lucky. Next time it says "stay behind the rope" do it!!

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